


Found My Place in Time

by Cap_D, humapuma



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awkward Flirting, Boys In Love, Epilogue, Fiji Vacation, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Hints of Endgame spoilers, Kissing, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Not totally Endgame compliant, Oral Sex, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Some angst, Survivor Guilt, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:34:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24625558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cap_D/pseuds/Cap_D, https://archiveofourown.org/users/humapuma/pseuds/humapuma
Summary: “Buck,” he heard Steve say, “wake up. We’re here.”Bucky opened his eyes and rolled his shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension out of his back. When Steve’s words sunk in, though, he turned and leaned forward, staring past Steve’s chest to look out the window. Beyond the wing of the plane, he found a beautiful coastline with white sand, blue waters, and palm trees, as well as rows of bungalows on the water.“Wow,” he murmured. “We’re staying in one of those, right?”In which Steve invites Bucky on a trip to Fiji and they discover something a lot more than beautiful vistas and friendly locals.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 74
Kudos: 412





	Found My Place in Time

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! This fic is a collab with the fantastic and talented [CapDeady](https://twitter.com/CapDeady)! The art is littered through the fic and I am so excited to share it all with you.  
> I hope you enjoy the story. It was so fun to write!
> 
>  **Minor warnings for** survivor's guilt and PTSD, involving nightmares and passive suicidal ideation in one scene.

“Buck,” he heard Steve say, “wake up. We’re here.”

Bucky opened his eyes and rolled his shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension out of his back. When Steve’s words sunk in, though, he turned and leaned forward, staring past Steve’s chest to look out the window. Beyond the wing of the plane, he found a beautiful coastline with white sand, blue waters, and palm trees, as well as rows of bungalows on the water.

“Wow,” he murmured. “We’re staying in one of those, right?”

“Yeah,” Steve breathed, and Bucky realized how close they were, how Steve had been staring at _him_ , not the view.

When Steve realized he’d been caught, though, he snapped his head around and looked through the glass too. Bucky swallowed and leaned away, still watching as they descended. “Ugh,” he grumbled, “sixteen hours is way, way too long.”

“I definitely feel my age now,” Steve chuckled, and Bucky shoved him with his vibranium shoulder.

“Shut up, I’m older than you.” There was a moment where a shadow passed over Steve’s face and his smile faded a bit. Bucky reached over and touched his forearm, trying to draw him out of that place. “Hey,” he said, and Steve met his gaze, “after we get to the hotel, what do you want to do first?”

Steve stared at him for a few seconds, seemingly searching for something before he grinned. “Shower,” he answered, “you reek.”

Bucky laughed and raised his arm to wrap around Steve’s shoulders. “Well, you invited me, pal.”

Steve laughed, trying to pull away from Bucky’s armpit while Bucky leaned closer. “Buck, put your arm down!”

Bucky relented, beaming as he saw the light return to Steve’s eyes, so vibrant and bright. He would be forever grateful that the years and fights, the pain, hadn’t snuffed that light out.

The Captain came over the intercom and they fastened their seatbelts in preparation for landing. No matter how many times he’d done it, Bucky’s stomach always dropped during descent. When they disembarked, they were almost immediately taken in by security – something Bucky was all too familiar with. The arm always complicated things.

Steve, on the other hand, was _not_ having it. Bucky sighed, hoping he wouldn’t give his, _But he’s a veteran!_ spiel. “This is unacceptable,” Steve grumbled as the fourth TSA entered the room. “Are you serious?”

“Steve,” Bucky interrupted, “they’re just doing their jobs. Once they get in touch with the consulate, we’ll be good to go.”

Steve continued to glare but didn’t speak up again. When they’d finally gotten clearance, Bucky had to drag Steve out of the airport to avoid another scene. There was a car waiting to take them to the resort, which Bucky chuckled at.

Over his months on the run, he’d never have imagined he’d be in Fiji, driven around by a car service, and staying in a house _on_ the water.

The sky was a gorgeous, bright blue with sparse white clouds and a beaming sun. The palm trees shone a luminous green, rising above the streets and buildings in the capital. All of that beauty was _nothing_ to the crystal-clear ocean that spanned all the way to the horizon.

Even with the air conditioning on in the car, Bucky felt the heat in his bones and the humidity sticking to his skin.

They walked along the wooden bridge that connected the shore to each of the bungalows. While Bucky was entranced by the beautiful views, Steve was staring at his phone and Bucky bumped him. “What are you doing?”

“Hmm? Oh, I’m checking in,” he explained. “It’ll give a code to enter at the door.”

Bucky furrowed his brows. “What happened to keys?” He chuckled.

Steve nodded. “It’s a whole new world, Buck.” As he spoke, his voice sounded far away, as if he weren’t talking about the bungalows at all. “Here we are,” he announced, stopping in front of a large hut – bigger than many of the others they’d passed.

“Wow,” Bucky sighed, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair as they entered the front room.

It was _huge_. There was a living room, kitchen, and bedroom, as well as a private outdoor patio that opened up to the ocean. The floor was all wood apart from an open glass area in the living room where the sea floor could be seen.

“ _Wow_ ,” he repeated, eyes wide.

“You can shower first,” Steve offered but Bucky thought there was something in his tone… something off.

“You okay?” He asked but Steve simply nodded.

“Yeah, Buck, just…” He swallowed. “Just tired.”

Bucky decided to let it drop, chocking it up to the long trip weighing on him. While Steve lay down on one of the beds as if to take a nap, Bucky hesitated for only a moment before turning to search for the bathroom. He located it easily and marveled at the beauty of it – all polished wood and shining tile.

Strangely, it took Bucky several minutes to locate the shower. Rather than being _inside_ the bathroom, it was located outside, on a small deck, surrounded on two sides by a stone wall. It ensured privacy from the other bungalows but, Bucky worried a boat may come by, or a helicopter may fly over.

He grit his teeth and undressed, anxiously peering out the door several times before finally stepping out and turning the handles. Despite it being hundreds of yards from shore, the water in the shower was hot and Bucky groaned. He scrubbed the sweat and grime from his skin, feeling more and more relaxed with every passing moment. Once clean, he wrapped a towel around himself and walked into the bedroom where their suitcases were laid out on the dresser.

Steve was there, lying on the bed, sleeping and Bucky smiled at his expression, so calm and serene. That wasn’t something that Steve got to be very often.

Bucky loved those moments, seeing a part of Steve that had been buried during the war. When they’d reunited in the future, Bucky found a very different man than the one in his fragmented memories.

This Steve _hugged_ him, wrapped both arms around him, and allowed Bucky to breathe him in. It didn’t matter if Bucky hadn’t loved him before… he loved him now.

It hadn’t come on fast like some of his memories did. It was a slow, gradual realization that settled in his chest, taking root to bloom big and bold. There was so much warmth, so much happiness all wrapped up in _Steve_ , and Bucky didn’t want to be anywhere else but in his presence.

Sometimes… it choked him, cutting off his ability to breathe, leaving him desperate. But, more often, the feeling brought him comfort, knowing they’d made it.

He didn’t think Steve knew the truth, though sometimes Bucky caught him staring with an unreadable expression.

Bucky had seen him with Peggy, and he’d seen him with Sharon; there was no question of where his attractions lay.

If he knew, if he _found out…_ Bucky had no idea what he would do. Would he _leave_? What would he think of him?

Bucky blinked, shaking himself from his reverie and yanking his shorts on. He found a light t-shirt but left his hair loose and wet, trailing over his shoulders. He checked the time and yawned – it was barely two in the afternoon, but he was exhausted and jetlagged.

“Buck?” Steve rasped, sniffling and sitting up.

“You were out, pal,” Bucky joked, and Steve nodded. “You should shower.” Steve looked up at him and Bucky grinned. “You _reek_.”

Steve laughed. “I bet I do.” Getting up, he dug through his own suitcase until he located some clothes. He carried the bundle toward the bathroom, calling over his shoulder, “Let’s go eat after. I’m starving.”

Bucky nodded. “Sounds good.” Rather than risk falling asleep, Bucky walked across the room to the French doors that opened onto the patio. Beyond the comfortable looking chaises was the ocean – big and blue. It reminded him of Steve’s eyes…

He grabbed his sunglasses and stepped outside, taking in the view. He could see their island as well as two others in the archipelago, but otherwise, it was all sea.

The air was hot but not uncomfortably so and the sun had begun to move west, casting a bit of a shadow onto the wood. He walked to the edge and leaned down, touching the water with his flesh hand, reveling in it.

Looking below the surface, Bucky could see all sorts of life from coral to fish, even some turtles. “I’m so going swimming,” he muttered to himself.

“We can even go scuba diving,” Steve suggested, and Bucky spun around.

“Steve!” He gasped. “Wh- don’t sneak up on an assassin!”

Steve smirked. “Some assassin,” he chuckled, turning and walking away.

Bucky grumbled as he stood up and followed behind. “What did you think of the shower?” He asked.

“It was an experience,” Steve answered, chuckling. “But that’s pretty normal here, as I understand, since there’s so much humidity.”

Bucky pursed his lips but didn’t answer. They walked back along the bridge, easily avoiding other tourists as they made their way to the main resort. Inside, there were half a dozen restaurant options – from local delicacies to sushi and even American food. They settled on the first one they found, for the sake of their empty stomachs.

Bucky went to bed at five o’clock that night, sleeping off a full meal and some serious jetlag. He awoke sometime later, snapping into awareness at the sounds of someone crying. It was still dark out as he crawled onto Steve’s bed, finding him shaking and sobbing through a nightmare. Pulling him close, Bucky murmured in his ear, trying to calm him, trying to chase the images away.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, though he knew it wasn’t. He knew who Steve saw in his nightmares, the names he called out in his agony. “I’m here with you. We’re safe.”

“Bucky,” Steve choked out, somewhere between sleep and waking. He turned and pulled Bucky closer, embracing him so tight, it hurt, but Bucky melted into it.

It had been so difficult at first, accepting this sort of intimacy. For months, Bucky flinched at his touch, but Steve didn’t give up. He merely softened his hands, slowing each movement until Bucky felt he could breathe through the initial panic. Steadily, the discomfort eased until they could sleep in the same bed again.

It wasn’t _new_ for them. Bucky had distinct memories of bony knees and shoulders pressed against him; of fevers and coughing, desperate pleas.

He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d loved Steve then – if the boy he’d been had seen Steve as he did now. He was the sun melting the ice inside Bucky, burning away the long winter, and thawing the frost.

There were moments when he was absolutely certain that he’d been sweet on Steve all those years ago. But there were other times when he only remembered the girls he’d chased; their red lips and soft blouses.

This warmth, though – the warmth that Steve exuded and spread through Bucky’s chest – it didn’t trigger any memories, like other things did.

“Bucky,” Steve repeated, sounding more alert. He pulled back and met Bucky’s gaze, unblinking as they lay inches apart.

Steve’s beard was fuller, and his hair was longer than it had ever been before, but his eyes – those beautiful blue eyes – they were exactly the same as they’d always been.

If nothing else was familiar, Bucky would always know those eyes.

He didn’t speak; he simply waited for Steve’s move. Was he going to push Bucky away? Was he going to leave?

“Sleep here,” Steve finally whispered, an unreadable expression on his face.

Bucky nodded his head and shifted to pull the sheets back, tucking under them. Steve moved in again and pulled Bucky against his chest, holding on tighter as if Bucky might disappear.

But Bucky knew that was impossible.

He couldn’t live without Steve anymore.

When he next opened his eyes, the sun was beginning to rise over the ocean. He sat up slowly, hoping not to wake Steve, but that hadn’t been necessary. “Morning,” Steve said, drawing Bucky’s attention. Steve beamed at him, his eyes crinkling in early light.

“Morning,” Bucky answered, brushing his hair out of his face. “How’d you sleep?”

Steve shrugged. “Better with you here.”

Bucky gulped. “I, uh, feel a lot better than I did yesterday.”

Steve’s smile grew impossibly wider. “I’m glad you… decided to come, Buck,” he murmured, running his hand over Bucky’s back.

“I’m glad you wanted me to.” He bit his lip to keep from pressing into the touch. “Um, what do you want to do today?”

“I bought tickets on a flight to Taveuni Island,” Steve said. “I was reading that the best way to see the islands is to just fly between them.”

Bucky scratched his head. “But we’re… staying on Kadavu?”

“Yeah,” Steve answered, sitting up a bit. “There is a flight returning here later tonight. But we can spend the whole day on the beach there away from the resort.”

Bucky frowned. “You don’t like it?”

“No, I do, but…” Steve sighed. “I want to… enjoy our vacation with… more privacy?”

Bucky thought that over for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

“Good,” Steve rejoiced, grinning. “I’ll make breakfast.”

“Um,” Bucky interrupted, shaking his head. “No, _I’ll_ make breakfast.”

“I’m not that bad of a cook,” Steve called as Bucky hurried toward the small kitchen.

He whipped up omelets with toast, bacon, and hash browns – enough for a large family. It was all gone within a matter of minutes, along with the pot of coffee he’d made. “What time is the flight?” He asked, draining his mug.

Steve checked his watch. “We should probably get going in the next hour or so.” Bucky nodded and got up to collect the dishes, but Steve stopped him. “I got this. You go get ready.”

“Okay,” Bucky agreed before returning to the bedroom to change out of his pajamas.

Upon inspection of his suitcase, Bucky dug out the short-sleeved button-up shirt that Steve had bought him for this trip. It was a blue green with pineapples littered across it haphazardly. He was sure that Steve probably picked it out as a bit of a joke but there was something about it – the fact that Steve had chosen it for him – that made it special.

To go with his shirt, Bucky chose a pair of pale pink shorts and pulled his hair into a half-bun. While it would get hot later, the morning remained somewhat cool, but either way… Bucky would rather be too hot.

He could tell that Steve felt similarly. When Sam had suggested Steve take a vacation, one of his first ideas was Alaska, which Steve firmly declined.

Bucky changed in the bathroom, adding a pair of brown leather sandals to complete the ensemble. He liked wearing nice things, clean things that he’d chosen, rather than clothing used to disguise or protect him.

“Oh,” Steve gasped, wide eyes taking in Bucky’s clothes when he walked back into the living room. “You, uh – you’re wearing the shirt I… I got you.”

Bucky nodded, suddenly feeling a little insecure. “Yeah, does it – does it look bad, or…”

“No,” Steve asserted, voice raising a bit before he seemed to catch himself. “No, Bucky, it looks… you look good.”

Bucky felt his cheeks heat up, but it was nothing to the blush that bloomed across Steve’s face and neck, even his ears. “Should I bring something for swimming?”

Steve’s expression shifted for a moment, his eyes going dark. Before Bucky could even wonder what the look meant, it was replaced with a smile. “Yeah, that’ll be fun, Buck.”

There was a car waiting for them at the resort and it drove them to a smaller airport than the one they’d flown into. It housed little propeller planes that looked almost brand new and Bucky hopped up the steps into the cabin.

He stood next to their seats and gestured. “You can have the window.”

Steve shook his head. “No, it’s your turn.”

Bucky nodded, glancing warily at the seat before he stepped over and sat down. Steve plopped down next to him and they fastened their seatbelts, waiting for the rest of the passengers to do the same. The plane took off right on time and Bucky stared, in awe, out the window.

He could see the whole of their island, as well as the main island and a few others in the archipelago. “Wow,” he gasped, turning to get Steve’s attention but the words caught in his throat because Steve was _right there_ , inches from his face.

“Yeah?” Steve asked, eyes intent on Bucky’s.

For an insane moment, Bucky was sure Steve’s eyes had flicked to his mouth but that couldn’t be real.

“The… view,” he murmured. “I, uh –”

“I know,” Steve interrupted. “It’s incredible.”

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, anything, but he couldn’t. Instead, he forced his eyes back to the window and kept them there for the remainder of the flight. While this was a good plan in theory, it failed in one significant area: when Steve looked out the window as well, his body pressed against Bucky’s flesh arm. His chest, especially.

They hit some turbulence and Bucky felt Steve’s breath on his neck.

Needless to say, by the time the plane had landed, Bucky’s stomach was in knots and not _only_ from the descent.

He was so flustered that, as they stepped onto the tarmac, he dropped his sunglasses to the ground and they broke. “No,” he sighed, picking up the pieces. “Damn it.”

“I’m sorry, Buck,” Steve consoled. “I can buy you some new ones here.”

“You don’t have to,” Bucky muttered, frowning.

“I’d like to.” Bucky glanced up and met Steve’s eyes. “But I want to pick them.”

“Don’t make me look stupid,” Bucky retorted and Steve shook his head.

“Never,” he assured. “We have about an hour before the catamaran will leave for Denarau. Let’s look around.”

As they left the airport, a man and a woman wearing what Bucky presumed were traditional clothes, approached them. His initial instinct was to step away, but they merely brought a garland up and placed it around his neck. Steve received one as well.

“Bula,” the couple said, smiling and moving on to the next traveler.

Bucky looked to Steve, who smiled. “These are salusalu. They’re meant to… show appreciation.”

Bucky nodded. “And what is ‘bula’?”

“‘Bula’ is a greeting. They’re wishing us happiness and good health.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Bucky asked, “How do you know all this?”

“I read the guidebook during the flight,” Steve explained.

Bucky laughed. “Of course, you did.”

They continued on their way into a small town; along the streets, people were building things, making crafts, and even dancing. Bucky stopped to watch them, noting the grass skirts and headdresses.

“It’s called Meke,” Steve said. “There’s several variations. I think this one is a ‘fan dance.’”

After another minute, they walked on until they came upon a few stalls where jewelry, clothing, and food were for sale. As they passed, Bucky’s eyes wandered over the various necklaces, rings, and bracelets on offer.

One item – a simple beaded necklace with a small, dark pearl attached to it – struck him. “How much is this?” He asked and the elderly woman smiled at him.

“Seven-fifty – American,” she added in her accented English.

Bucky shook his head and smiled. “No th-”

“We’ll take it,” Steve said, startling Bucky.

“Steve, that’s –”

“Thank you,” he said, handing her cash. “Vinaka.”

“Vinaka,” she repeated, placing the necklace in a small box. “Will be beautiful on you,” she said, nodding toward Bucky.

His face had gone beat red but he took the box and tried to smile back at her. When they turned to leave, Bucky grumbled, “Steve, you didn’t have to do that.”

Steve shrugged his shoulders. “I saw how you looked at it. Come on,” he said, holding his hands out. “I’ll put it on you.”

Bucky licked his lips and passed the box to Steve. “Okay.”

Steve unclasped it and brought both of his arms around Bucky’s neck, moving closer so he could see his hands. Bucky wondered why Steve hadn’t asked him to turn around; he wondered why Steve hadn’t clasped it in front and let Bucky fix it.

Underneath those thoughts, he let himself imagine that Steve _wanted_ to be this close to him. It was a dangerous fantasy to feed into, he knew, but… it was just this one time.

As Steve moved back, his smile grew. “It looks good, Buck,” he said, touching the dark gem with his fingertip. “Real… real pretty.”

Bucky bit his lip and Steve’s eyes flicked down – he was sure of it that time. Before Bucky could respond, Steve turned and began walking. Bucky hurried to follow him with a mix of anguish and exhilaration in his gut.

They approached another stall and Steve grinned. “I, uh – I said I’d get you sunglasses.”

“Don’t make me look stupid, Steve,” Bucky reminded and Steve chuckled.

“I won’t. Here,” he said, handing Bucky a pair.

Frowning, Bucky looked at the heart-shaped lenses. “Steve, these are… come on, you’re just making fun of me.”

“I’m not,” Steve assured in a deep, resolute voice. “Try ‘em on. For me?”

Bucky pursed his lips for a moment before he decided that, while Steve may tease him occasionally, he would never outright humiliate him. “Okay,” he agreed, slipping the glasses onto his face and looking up at Steve. “What do you think?”

Steve was silent for a moment, eyes wide and mouth open, before he seemed to collect himself. “I like ‘em, Buck.”

Bucky frowned. “Let me see.”

He pushed past Steve to the stall and found a hand mirror there, lifting it and checking his reflection. To his surprise… the glasses actually looked good. He knew he’d never hear the end of it if Sam found out but… he didn’t care.

“I… like them,” he announced.

“That settles it,” Steve replied, grinning as he handed money to the young man. “Vinaka.” Steve looked down to check his watch and smiled. “You hungry?”

Bucky nodded his head. “Yeah, I’m getting there.”

They walked along until they came upon a small restaurant with tables outside. Taking one, they were immediately greeted by a young woman. “Bula,” she said, smiling.

“Bula,” Bucky repeated. “May I have some water?”

“Same here,” Steve said.

“I’ll be right back.” She turned and headed back inside.

When she returned they perused the menu quickly and gave her their orders. The food was up faster than they’d anticipated but Bucky was okay with that. They ate it all in a matter of minutes, ignoring the shocked looks from people around them.

Bucky wondered if the Americans and other tourists recognized them. His suspicions were confirmed when a young blond woman approached their table and said, “Um, are you Captain America?”

“Yes,” Steve said, smiling his tight-lipped smile. “I was.”

Bucky frowned, irritated on Sam’s behalf; he’d taken up the shield two years before and had been leading a new Avengers team since then.

At least the girl had the decency to look apologetic before she asked, “Can we get a photo with you?” She gestured toward another girl, just as slim and beautiful, though the second was brunette.

“Yeah, of course,” Steve said, standing up.

“I’ll take it,” Bucky offered, getting out of his chair.

“Oh… thank you,” the blond said, handing her phone to Bucky. “Just press this button.”

Bucky nodded and held the phone up, about to take the picture when she asked, “So, why did you retire?”

Bucky’s eye twitched. _How is that any of your fucking business_? He snapped the photo, imagining for a moment that he could bust her phone into pieces and feel no shame for it.

Steve took her intrusiveness in stride, though, and just smiled. “Before he passed away, a good friend of mine suggested that I try to find a life for myself.”

Bucky blinked, handing the phone back to the brunette a little more harshly than necessary, but he didn’t much care. She hardly seemed to notice though as she was still staring at Steve.

“And did you?” She asked. “Did you find a life?”

He just smiled at her and shook their hands. “Enjoy your trip,” he said, dropping cash on the table. “We should get to the harbor,” he suggested to Bucky. “The catamaran will be leaving soon.”

“Yeah,” Bucky replied, walking past the girls. “Let’s go.”

As they walked, Steve kept closer to Bucky, brushing their shoulders together enough that it couldn’t be accidental. The harbor came into view and they hurried to the pier. They bought their tickets and boarded the boat with the last of stragglers just as the gate closed.

Once they were well on their way, Bucky stood at the side of the boat, watching the beautiful blue water and the other smaller islands as they passed. His mind was not as agreeably engaged, however; he couldn’t stop thinking about what Steve had said to the girl in the market.

_Before he passed away, a good friend of mine suggested that I try to find a life for myself._

He’d never said anything like that before – not to Bucky, at least. In fact, Steve hardly talked about Tony or Nat at all, let alone shared memories of them. Maybe he did with those who knew them the way he did, like Sam or Clint.

Or maybe he just didn’t want to bring them up to Bucky at all.

That thought made him scowl at the sea, frowning as if it had insulted him.

“You okay?” Steve asked, drawing Bucky’s attention.

“I’m fine,” he answered.

“Buck,” Steve began, touching Bucky’s shoulder to get his attention. “Talk to me. Come on, I can tell something’s bothering you.”

Bucky sighed, rubbing his neck. “You… you never talk to me about Nat or… Tony.”

Steve’s eyes widened for a moment before a sad look spread across his features. “I’m sorry, I… I never thought you wanted to talk about them.” He turned and leaned against the rail, staring at the deck. “I suppose I was afraid that it would upset or hurt you if I talked about Tony. I never even considered that you might _want_ to talk about him.”

Bucky nodded, placing both hands on the rail and leaning on it. “It’s not that,” he answered and Steve looked at him. “I want you to know that… if _you_ want to – if you _need_ to – I’m here for you.”

Steve considered him for a long moment before he said, “Thank you. I’d like that. But, later? Right now, I want to enjoy my time with you.”

Bucky felt his face heat up but he smiled, ignoring it. “Me too.”

Steve beamed, bumping his shoulder against Bucky’s and turning back to the water. For the next hour, they wandered around the catamaran, staring at the islands they passed. When the boat docked at Denarau, Bucky followed Steve off. They made their way through the small town until they spotted a white, sandy beach. Beyond it was the ocean, beautiful and twinkling in the sunlight.

There were outdoor showers and small changing rooms, as well as shops offering to rent out paddle boards, surf boards, and kayaks.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve called, “let’s set our stuff here.” He had chosen an open area where he laid his towel out and Bucky followed suit. “I’m gonna go get changed.”

“Okay,” Bucky said, nodding.

Steve carried his bag along with him and Bucky set his items down, undoing a few of the buttons on his shirt. He took a moment to look along the beach, noting that there weren’t many other tourists around but he could pick out some locals wandering along the shoreline.

As far as privacy went, this was pretty good.

Bucky was about to sit down when two Fijian people approached and offered him a coconut with a straw in it. “Bula,” the woman said.

“Oh, uh –”

“How much?” Steve asked, approaching them.

Bucky gulped. The shorts he’d changed into were light blue and revealed his thick thighs. They weren’t quite as short as Bucky’s but they were far more revealing than the clothing Steve usually wore. Bucky could only be thankful he hadn’t taken his shirt off yet.

The man offered him a coconut as well and said, “The first is free. We have more over there.” He pointed to what looked like a small bar with several people standing around.

“Thank you,” Bucky said, taking a sip from his straw. “Wow, that’s good.”

“Come get more when you are ready,” he offered.

Steve smiled, watching Bucky’s face as he took another drink. “We will.” He set his own coconut down and yanked his white t-shirt over his head, letting it drop onto this towel.

Bucky took another nervous swallow before forcing himself to turn away. He hadn’t had the opportunity yet to really take in the scenery. The day before, he’d been too tired to really _look_ but not anymore.

“It’s beautiful, huh?” Steve asked and Bucky nodded.

“Nothing like Coney Island,” he answered, glancing at Steve. “Remember the first time we got to go on our own?”

Steve stared at him for a moment. “Yeah, I do.”

Bucky grinned, turning toward him. “You were so pissed after I dunked you.”

With a smile on his face, Steve nodded. “It was one of the best days of my life, even if I thought I was going to die.”

“You were safe,” Bucky assured. “I had you.”

Steve seemed to think that over for a moment but didn’t respond. Instead, he picked up his cell phone and said, “Let me take your picture?” Bucky sighed but nodded, standing and giving Steve a small smile. “I know you can do better,” Steve urged and Bucky laughed, hearing the click of the camera app. “That’s better.”

“Alright, alright,” Bucky said, “let’s go swimming or something.”

Steve nodded and shoved Bucky’s arm, gently. “Last one in buys dinner!” he shouted as he took off running.

“You little shit,” Bucky laughed as he tossed his shirt to the ground and rushed after him.

Bucky was, in fact, the one expected to buy dinner that night.

They swam and splashed each other, marveling at the calmness of the waters. “It’s because of the coral reefs,” Steve explained. “They keep the large waves from hitting the islands.”

Bucky pulled his wet hair out of his face. “Like in _Moana_.”

Steve released a shock laugh but nodded. “Yeah, like _Moana_.”

Before Steve knew what was happening, Bucky leapt at him, grabbed him around the waist and threw him into the deeper water. Steve shouted in surprise even when the water muffled his voice. When he emerged, he glared playfully at Bucky before running through the water – something Bucky didn’t know was even possible. Bucky turned to get away, laughing, but Steve was too fast; he wrapped both arms around Bucky’s chest and jumped backward, dunking them both under the water.

They wrestled around for a while longer before Bucky said, “I’m thirsty. Want anything?”

“Nah, I’ll stay in for a while,” Steve answered with a shake of his head.

Bucky made his way out of the water and to the bar they’d seen earlier. He ordered two more coconuts, though he knew Steve’s might be warm by the time he got out. While he lay back on the towel, he shut his eyes, allowing the sun to dry him off, until something caught his attention.

To his left, several women were commenting on a man. “Isn’t he amazing? Oh, my God, that _body_.”

“He looks familiar, too.”

“I thought he did!”

Bucky sat up and looked, immediately finding who they were talking about. Steve came out of the ocean like some Goddamn male model – his long hair was slicked back and the water trailed down his body like that was its _job_. Bucky couldn’t stop from licking his lips, wishing it was his fingers that traced along the delicious curves of Steve’s pecs and abs, down his thighs.

When Steve got close enough, he must have noticed Bucky’s face because he stopped. Bucky tried to blink, tried to think of something, _anything_ , to explain why he was ogling his best friend, but he had nothing.

“Yeah, Buck?” Steve asked, stepping closer but maintaining eye contact.

Bucky gulped. “Um, I – well, it’s – I got you a drink.”

He pointed to Steve’s coconut and immediately took a large swallow of his own, forcing his eyes away. Steve stood still in that spot, unmoving, for several seconds before taking a seat on his towel. Bucky could have sworn Steve sighed, but he couldn’t look yet.

He took a few moments to collect himself; he breathed in deep and went about as normal for a time.

“We should get ready to go,” Steve announced. “The boat heads back soon.”

“I’m going to rinse off,” Bucky said, jumping to his feet and rushing away.

He grabbed the first shower that was available – which was the _only_ one available at that moment – and turned the water on. He ran his fingers through his hair, getting the knots and saltiness out of it, and then focused on his body. The water was a little too warm for the weather but he didn’t care.

It was then that a large form appeared and Bucky spun around to find Steve. “Can I join you?” He asked. “The rest are full.”

“Um, sure,” Bucky answered, trying to step back a little, but there was no room. Before he could speak up, though, Steve had pressed in against him, beneath the spray. Bucky turned to keep from staring but he squeaked and spun back around when he felt a hand on the back of his thigh.

“Steve!” he gasped, shifting away until he was pressed against the divider.

“Sorry,” Steve said, though the grin on his face didn’t appear very apologetic. “You had some sand on you. I just wiped it off.”

Bucky’s heart was racing in his chest and he knew he was standing too close but he couldn’t make himself move away. All he could do was stare as Steve smiled at him with an emotion so raw, it made Bucky ache.

Steve put his fist against the divider and began leaning forward. For an insane moment, Bucky thought Steve was going to kiss him. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out because Steve’s eyes were on his lips.

They were mere inches apart and something in Steve’s expression softened, a tension Bucky had hardly noticed was there. In an unconscious way, he’d seen it but, as it faded, Bucky found that he was relaxing as well.

Steve gave him a soft smile and leaned back a bit, though he didn’t move far away. Bucky wondered just what it was that Steve had seen, what he’d been looking for, that could change his countenance so much.

“Let’s go,” Steve said, touching Bucky’s wrist for a moment before he walked back to the changing rooms.

Bucky dried his hair and chest, and then he, too, went to get some dry clothes on before they made their way back to the resort for dinner.

Bucky dragged Steve to a pizza place and they each ate a whole pie on their own. When they finally went to bed that night, Bucky could feel Steve’s eyes on him, but he forced himself not to look.

He was afraid of what he might see… or _not_ see.

The following day, they chartered a boat to take them snorkeling near the coral reef and then deep-sea fishing. They released everything they caught but Bucky loved seeing the various types of fish – so different from those back home.

The man they’d hired to take them out was named Tui and he seemed just as excited about the trip as they were. “That is a Dogtooth Tuna,” he exclaimed. “I have never seen one before!”

It was clear that the enthusiasm was at least partially for show, but Bucky didn’t care. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so happy.

They returned to the island a few hours later, starving. “Let’s try the steakhouse,” Bucky suggested in a rush, and Steve followed behind him.

They were seated almost immediately and served their food within twenty minutes of ordering. The meal was eaten in less than five minutes, but they had both been far too hungry to care. When they returned to the bungalow, Bucky showered the sweat and saltwater away before laying down on his bed. For a long time, he lay awake listening as Steve took his turn to wash up.

Again, he imagined how it would feel to let his hands run across Steve’s body; he wanted to feel the firmness of his muscles and the smoothness of his skin. These desires were only becoming more pronounced the more time they spent together.

When he heard the shower shut off, he turned onto his side and forced sleep. He knew that Steve was watching him, maybe even waiting for him to look back, but Bucky kept his eyes shut tight.

Sometime later, Bucky snapped awake hearing Steve’s cries again. It was pitch black out, but he could see just fine. He crawled into Steve’s bed, under the covers, and pulled him close. “Steve, it’s okay.” He heard Steve say something, but it was muffled by his pillow, so Bucky tugged it away, gently. “What?”

“Should’ve been me,” Steve whispered as tears rolled down his temples, wetting his hairline. “Should’ve been me that died.”

Bucky’s heart jumped into his throat and he thought he might throw up. “No, Steve,” he said, hearing the terror in his own voice. “No, Tony made that decision – he knew what he was doing.”

Steve shook his head, burying his face in Bucky’s neck. “Should’ve been me.”

Bucky pulled Steve tighter to him, wrapping him up in his arms and holding him close. “Steve, no,” he whimpered. “Please, no.”

_Please don’t leave me_.

Bucky had begun to cry too. How long had Steve been feeling this way and never told him? How many nightmares had Bucky held him through and never once had he let those words slip?

“Steve,” he choked out, “please, no.” Steve stirred in his hold, but Bucky didn’t let go. “I’ve lost you so many times. Please,” he begged, “please, stay.”

“Buck,” Steve breathed, sounding more alert. He did nothing for several seconds but just as Bucky began to pull away, Steve crushed Bucky against his chest. “I’m staying, I swear. I swear.”

“Steve,” Bucky repeated as heavy tears spilled onto his cheeks.

“I know,” Steve answered, keeping his face tucked in Bucky’s neck. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Bucky didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to get the words out, or if he was even ready to say what he wanted to say. Since he’d returned, they’d spent many nights like this, but they’d hardly spoken. Bucky would try to bring Steve out of his nightmare and then they would fall back to sleep, wrapped up in one another.

But Bucky had never said aloud what it meant. What he _hoped_ it meant.

“I was never going to leave you,” Steve went on. “I _would_ never.” His voice had taken on a firm tone and he held Bucky close as he spoke. “This is… this is how I want my life to be.”

Bucky’s heart was pounding and he couldn’t ignore how shaky his breathing was. “Yeah?”

He felt Steve nod against him. “Yeah, Buck. This is what I want.”

Even if Bucky didn’t know how to answer, he knew he felt the same way. He wanted this – he wanted _Steve_.

“It’s still early,” Steve said, drawing Bucky from his thoughts. “Are you going to try and go back to sleep?”

Bucky shook his head, looking over Steve’s shoulder at the moonlight shining on the ocean. “I don’t think I could,” he rasped.

They were so close that he could feel Steve swallow against him. “We could… go for a swim?”

Bucky froze and he felt Steve begin to pull back, to apologize, to _stop_ and Bucky didn’t want that. “Let’s – let’s do that.”

Steve leaned back a bit, meeting Bucky’s eyes for the first time. “Our suits are… still wet.”

Bucky held his gaze and grinned, whispering, “What a shame.”

Then he slid out of the bed and pulled his shirt over his head, turning only once to make sure Steve followed him. His eyes were wide as he watched Bucky cross the room to the patio doors, but he only hesitated for a moment before leaping up. His shirt was tossed aside just as Bucky stepped onto the landing, letting his sleep shorts fall to his feet.

Steve’s gaze was… intense on him – those eyes wandered over Bucky’s newly exposed skin as if they’d never seen it before. When Bucky thought about it, he didn’t think they _had_.

Before Steve could undress himself, Bucky ran toward the edge of the patio and jumped off, splashing into the water.

He swam beneath the surface, oddly comfortable being naked. Behind him there was a loud sound as Steve followed. The water was clear, though dark enough that he could not see the ocean floor, despite the full moon.

A soft hand touched Bucky’s ankle as Steve swam beneath him before surfacing a moment later. Bucky couldn’t see Steve’s nudity as clearly as Steve had seen his but it was almost enough to _know_ he was naked too, to know they’d taken this step – _together_.

Licking his lips, Bucky dove under the water again, swimming toward the bungalow. He had no intention of getting out and it quickly became obvious Steve did not want him to. A hand wrapped around his calf, pulling him backward. Bucky smiled, despite the lack of oxygen, and allowed Steve to pull him closer.

Steve cupped his cheek and his thumb traced along Bucky’s lips. There was wonder and a little fear in his expression, but it was clear what his intent was, how his eyes flicked down to Bucky’s mouth. Reaching up, Bucky buried his fingers in Steve’s hair, showing him that he wanted it too.

The first press of Steve’s lips was so, so much better than Bucky could ever have imagined. It was chaste and short, but it was _Steve_ and nothing could have made it better. Together, they swam to the surface, breathing deeply and staring at one another, still pressed close.

“Steve,” Bucky whispered.

“Yeah, Buck?”

Bucky swallowed. “This is… this is what I want too.”

Steve beamed at him, a smile that could light up the night. He didn’t respond and Bucky felt a little grateful for that. There was already so much between them now and Bucky feared he’d become overwhelmed with it all.

Seeming to sense this, Steve’s grin turned mischievous and he grabbed Bucky’s waist, lifting him out of the water and tossing him several feet away.

He swam up to breathe before returning to face Steve, then launched toward him, reaching out to grab him. Steve proved to be too swift of a swimmer, easily evading Bucky.

They played and chased one another until the sky turned light. When the sun rose, they were fast asleep, lying together on towels they’d laid over Steve’s bed.

Neither of them said the words but they both knew. Everything was different – yet not.

The following day, they hiked to Tavaro Falls and swam in the lake, enjoying the beauty of the islands with new eyes, new _hope_. When they fell asleep that night, they each climbed into Steve’s bed immediately, having given up any pretense of sleeping apart.

Bucky woke up the following morning alone. He blinked and rubbed his eyes before sitting up, looking around. “Steve?” He called, brows furrowed.

For a terrible moment, he imagined it had all been a dream…

“I’ll be right there, Buck,” Steve said and the sounds that followed made it clear he was in the kitchen.

“Oh, no,” Bucky murmured, rubbing his neck. “Did you cook?”

Steve came into the room with a tray piled high with various foods, as well as two large steaming mugs. “Does it count as cooking if I just plated it up?”

Bucky laughed. “No, it doesn’t.”

Sighing, Steve sat on the bed. “In that case, no, I did not cook.”

He set the platter on the blanket between them, revealing pancakes, French toast, fruit, bacon, eggs, and coffee. Bucky plated himself up while Steve did the same, and they remained on the bed as they ate. Even with his mouth full of food, Steve never stopped smiling at Bucky, eyes bright and full of… hope.

Bucky did the dishes, waving off Steve’s offers of assistance. Steve continued to stand nearby, watching as Bucky worked, and Bucky could tell that there was something on his mind. When he’d set the last fork on the rack, he turned around and met Steve’s eyes.

“What is it?” He asked, drying his hands on a towel.

Steve ran his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath, and Bucky wondered if he was _nervous_.

“I just…” Steve began, leaning back against the counter, “I have… news.”

Bucky frowned. “Okay.”

“We have to pack our stuff up today.”

Furrowing his brows, Bucky asked, “What? Why? Did something happen? Do we have to go back early?”

Steve shook his head. “No, no, nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I, uh – I rented us someplace new,” he said, biting his lip. “It’s about two hours away by boat.”

Bucky set the towel down. “Like, one of the places we saw yesterday? That resort?”

“No,” Steve replied. His shy smile was growing into a grin. “It’s an island.”

“They’re all islands, Steve,” Bucky snarked.

“No, I mean,” Steve emphasized, “I rented an island.”

Bucky blinked. “An… island.”

“Yes.”

“Like… a whole island.”

Steve chuckled. “Yes.”

Bucky’s brain had shut down for a moment but when he regained some composure, he asked, “Which one?”

“Royal Davui,” Steve answered.

“Will there be other people renting it?” Bucky asked.

“No, Buck, that’s why it’s called a _private island_.” Steve laughed and Bucky shoved his shoulder.

“I know, but…” he trailed off, mind suddenly traveling to the real meaning of _private_. He would have Steve alone… totally alone. Swallowing, he rasped, “When do we leave?”

Steve’s eyes were a bit darker than before and his smile was almost predatory, as if he knew what Bucky had been thinking. “The boat will be here in an hour.”

Bucky showered and packed his suitcase, rushing through the bungalow to ensure he wasn’t leaving anything behind. There was an intense anticipation in his gut, as if he were about to leap off of a cliff into a pool of water far below.

_Christ_ , he thought to himself. They’d only just kissed the night before and Bucky felt like he might burst into flames. Steve had done this for him – for them – and there was an understanding of what it meant.

At least… Bucky hoped Steve was thinking the same thing.

Not long after they’d finished gathering their things, they heard the purring motor of a boat approach their patio. Stepping outside, a man called, “Bula! Mr. Rogers?”

“Yes,” Steve said, nodding and carrying their bags over.

“I am Epeli,” the man answered. “I will take you to Royal Davui.”

“It’s good to meet you, Epeli,” Steve said, shaking the man’s hand after he’d loaded their bags.

Bucky followed and shook Epeli’s hand as well. “I’m James.”

“Nice to meet you,” Epeli said. “The trip will take just over two hours. I have drinks and fresh fruit over there.”

They sat next to one another in the boat, though the single seat was a bit small for the pair of them. It forced them to press against each other and Bucky thought his heart might beat out of his chest. Not long after they’d left the bungalow, Bucky felt Steve’s hand on his wrist, then it slipped down to his own hand, threading their fingers together.

Bucky couldn’t recall the last time someone had held his hand. It had probably been before he’d gone to war but, either way, nothing could compare to this. Steve’s skin was soft and warm, tanned from their days in the sun.

The worry he’d felt before, the fear that Steve hadn’t meant what Bucky hoped he did, faded from his mind. Steve’s grip was sure and confident; there was nothing tenuous in it. As he rubbed his thumb over Bucky’s knuckle, it sent shockwaves through Bucky’s body.

Forget holding hands, when was the last time someone had touched him to _please_ him?

He released a soft moan without meaning to and was grateful that the boat motor was so loud. The way that Steve’s thighs stiffened, though, suggested he’d heard it after all.

They didn’t speak during the trip as something… heady settled between them. Upon their arrival, several staff approached and helped them unload, carrying their bags and offering them salusalu. “Bula!” Several of them said as they led Steve and Bucky to a villa on the beach.

The rooms were open, allowing for unobstructed views of the beach; the place was so beautiful, it rivaled their previous bungalow. “Wow,” Bucky breathed, stepping into the living room.

“You like it?” Steve asked

Bucky turned around to answer, but Steve was standing so close and Bucky had no idea when he’d gotten there. Glancing over Steve’s shoulder, Bucky noticed that the staff had discretely disappeared.

“I –”

“Can I kiss you?” Steve whispered and there was something in his tone that suggested he was actually worried Bucky would say no.

In answer, Bucky gripped the front of Steve’s blue t-shirt and pulled him forward until their lips met. Unlike the first kiss – so chaste and sweet – this was _fire_. Steve held him possessively at the back of the neck and tilted his head, opening his mouth for Bucky to explore, which he did.

Steve’s other hand made its way around his back, pulling Bucky closer, as if there was any space left between them. Bucky dug his fingers into Steve’s hair, gripping it gently, which Steve seemed to enjoy if the moan he released was any indication.

“Shit, wait, wait,” Steve hissed, pulling away.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked, trying to catch his breath.

“Nothing, I – trust me, Buck, it’s good, I just…” Steve trailed off as his eyes wandered over Bucky’s body for a moment before he shut them tight. “We should… we should slow down.”

When Bucky was about to ask why, he felt Steve’s erection press against his hip and his breath hitched. “Oh,” Bucky said, then brought his hands around to Steve’s chest, not pushing. “Okay, yeah.”

“Okay,” Steve whispered, pressing their foreheads together. “Sorry. I got… carried away.”

Bucky chuckled. “Me too, pal,” he answered, pressing his hips forward, showing Steve how much.

“ _Oh_ ,” Steve rumbled, dropping his head to Bucky’s shoulder as he took several deep, calming breaths.

“What, um – what should we do?” Bucky breathed. “First?”

Steve laughed, shaking his head a little. “Let’s take a look around.”

They held hands as they walked from room to room, steadily cooling off and regaining their wits. That was, at least, until they found the bedroom. The lone bed was large and something about it made Bucky nervous. But it was a good feeling – the nervousness that came hand in hand with anticipation.

One look at Steve told Bucky he was feeling the same way.

Not long after, the staff returned to serve them lunch and even played music for them. It was a feast of shrimp and Kokoda, delicious bread, and fragrant salads. When they were offered seconds, they didn’t say no.

“What do you want to do now, Buck?” Steve asked after the dishes had been cleared away.

Looking around, Bucky suggested, “Go for a swim?”

Steve smiled. “You do that. I have to go run a quick errand.”

Bucky began to stand up. “I can go too.”

“No, it’s okay,” Steve assured, stepping forward and pressing a kiss to Bucky’s cheek. “Stay. I’ll be right back.”

Bucky frowned but nodded. “Okay.”

He went inside to change into his swimming shorts but as he entered the bedroom, his eyes fell on the bed. He’d given it a look earlier but… at that moment, it somehow seemed more important.

He didn’t think he’d ever had sex with a man before and, even if he had, it couldn’t compare to this. It was _Steve_.

His mind wandered back to the night they swam naked; he remembered how it felt to have Steve’s eyes on him like that. Without a second thought, he pulled his shirt and shorts off, letting them fall to the floor before he made his way onto the patio.

The hotel provided a small bottle of sunscreen that he’d ignored up until that moment, since they had no need for it. After a moment of contemplation, he picked it up and carried it with him, setting it on the deck next to him.

The chaise was warm from the sunshine and he sighed into it as he lay on his stomach. Closing his eyes, he reveled in the sun’s heat that touched his skin in places it never had before. He lay his head on his arms and must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, someone was gasping and there was a loud thump as something dropped to the ground.

Bucky blinked and turned, looking over his shoulder to find Steve there, standing at the foot of the chaise, eyes wide. He was flushed from the tips of his ears to the patch of skin peeking out of his shirt.

He spun around, stuttering, “Oh, uh – sorry, Buck, I – sorry, I’ll just –”

Bucky grinned, reaching down to grab the bottle he’d found. “Hey,” he said, “catch.” He tossed it and Steve caught it easily, looking down at it, though Bucky couldn’t see his expression. “Would you get my back?” He asked and saw the way Steve twitched, turning just a bit before stopping. “Come on, pal,” Bucky went on. “Don’t want me to get a burn, do you?”

When Steve finally did turn toward him, there was something in his expression – a mix of mischief and mirth. They both knew the truth – they both knew Bucky just wanted Steve to touch him.

Slowly, as if Bucky might spook, Steve approached the chaise and knelt next to it. His eyes roamed over Bucky’s body, exposed entirely in the light of day. He was looking at him like Bucky was a feast after months of famine.

He looked almost… _frenzied_.

The click of the cap made butterflies erupt in Bucky’s stomach and he bit his lip, letting his head rest on his arms again. He kept watching Steve, though, as he squeezed some lotion onto his palm, then rubbed his hands together and reached out.

The first touch was cold but it warmed up within seconds. When Steve rubbed between Bucky’s shoulders, it sent electricity through his veins. He couldn’t contain the low moan that escaped his mouth but the sharp inhale of breath from Steve was enough for him to not regret it.

After that, Steve’s big hands grew more confident. They slipped over his ribs, down his spine, to his hips before digging his thumbs in. The action forced Bucky to arch his back and he _really_ moaned, feeling himself begin to harden against the hot fabric.

Steve swore under his breath before pressing harder, forcing Bucky to push his ass upward. He would bruise, he could already tell, but the rough touch had his heart pounding.

_Fuck_ , he thought to himself, _does Steve like it like this?_

He was panting heavily and his eyes fell shut; he gripped the wooden frame of the chaise and was wholly unconcerned with the sound it made in protest. Steve released him only to ascend up his body. One of his hands rested at the base of Bucky’s neck, wrapping around it, hinting, _asking_.

“Yes, fuck,” Bucky groaned before Steve gripped his throat gently, cutting off airflow for three seconds before he let go. “Fuck, Steve,” Bucky rasped, beginning to rock his hips against the chaise.

_Fuck_ , he could come like that, just from such mild touching. How had they not done this before?

As his hips began to move a bit faster, he felt Steve’s big hand press against his lower back, halting all movement. Bucky whined, “Steve,” before reaching back to grab him, turning his head to meet Steve’s eyes again. They were dark and molten; his face was flushed and he was breathing heavily. He looked like he was about to drag Bucky into the villa and defile him and… that didn’t sound like a bad thing at all.

Hot fingers wrapped around his wrist and pressed it back to the frame, holding it there. “Buck,” Steve cautioned, his voice deeper than Bucky had ever heard it before. “Don’t. Come.”

Bucky thought his eyes might roll in the back of his head. “I c-could come just from you talking like that.”

He could hear the smirk in Steve’s voice when he replied, “Is that so?” The hand on his back stayed firm while the second buried itself in Bucky’s hair and gripped, drawing a shocked moan out of him. “You like it rough, Buck?”

Bucky bit his lip and held onto the chaise tighter, trying to focus on not moving his hips, on doing as Steve was asking. “I want it,” he gasped, “I can take it.”

Steve’s breath blew across his ear when he spoke again. “I’ll just bet you can.” His fingers released and he moved his hand down to cup Bucky’s cheek in a gentle hold. “But I want to take it slow with you,” he said and Bucky looked at him. “I want to get to know every inch of you. I want to take my time.”

Bucky was trembling with need, but he nodded. “Please.”

Steve’s smile turned soft. “Do you want to stay out here for a while?”

“No, I think I’ll take a shower. Um, what do you –”

“I’ll order us some dinner,” Steve interrupted. “Something we can reheat later.”

Bucky opened his mouth to question him but then realized what Steve was saying. If the staff delivered their dinner early, they wouldn’t come back around until breakfast.

They’d be left alone all evening.

“Yeah, okay,” he answered and watched Steve stand up.

He returned to the bag he’d dropped earlier but Bucky couldn’t see what was inside it; he wondered what Steve had needed to get so urgently. Steve didn’t speak again though; instead, he disappeared inside the villa.

Bucky stood up and walked into the bedroom, then to the adjoining bathroom. He showered and rinsed the sunscreen away, as well as sweat and everything else that had accumulated. After a moment of consideration, he made a point of cleaning certain areas rather thoroughly, unsure of what might happen.

Once he got out, he looked at himself in the mirror. The scarring along the metal arm was ugly and he didn’t think he’d ever get used to it, though he couldn’t recall with any certainty what it had looked like before. Turning, he found the marks he’d been sure would be there – the bruises that littered his lower back.

He had never enjoyed pain but when Steve touched him that way, it didn’t hurt.

Pulling on his briefs and the cactus shorts Wanda had bought him, he exited the bathroom and walked toward the living room. “Steve?” He called, looking around.

“In here,” Steve answered from the kitchen.

Bucky stopped in the doorway, leaning as he watched Steve put their dinner in the fridge. “What’d you get?”

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

He put the final container away before standing straight and meeting Bucky’s gaze. The confidence was still there but Bucky could also read doubt, even some insecurity in his expression.

“Come here,” Bucky whispered, holding his flesh hand out.

Steve followed immediately and Bucky led him back toward the bedroom. Once inside, he stopped and turned around, watching as Steve leaned against the wall. He reached forward and grabbed Bucky’s hands, pulling him closer.

“I… Buck, there’s so many things I want to say.” His eyes were wide and dark, but there was a softness there. Something _loving_. “I know we… I know it hasn’t been easy. I know I haven’t been… I _know_ … but you have to know I love you.”

Bucky’s eyes rounded as he listened, startled by Steve’s confession. “Steve,” he said, “did we do this before?”

Steve frowned, shaking his head. “No, I… I didn’t know I wanted this. I – I think I’ve wanted it for a long time but… I don’t know that I allowed myself to really dwell on it.”

Bucky licked his lips. “I can’t remember,” he admitted. “I can’t remember if I loved you before or if this is new.” Holding Steve’s gaze, he continued, “I just know how I feel now.”

Steve reached up and touched Bucky’s cheek. “I want to kiss you and touch you, Buck, but I need to know it’s okay.”

Brows furrowed, Bucky asked, “What do you mean?”

“I need you to tell me this isn’t too fast,” Steve explained. “I’d be happy to take it slow. I’d woo you with dates and gifts if that’s what you wanted.”

Bucky chuckled. “What makes you think I’d want all that?”

“That’s what I’m getting at, Buck.” Steve rested his back against the wall and led Bucky forward until they were mere inches apart. “I want to know what you want.”

Bucky swallowed, letting Steve’s words echo in his mind, but no matter how many ways he looked at it, the answer was the same. “Steve, I just want you.”

After a moment of hesitation, Steve yanked Bucky until their bodies collided and he could reach Bucky’s mouth. The kiss was hot and wet, even more so than the second one, and Bucky never wanted it to end. He felt Steve’s fingers work at the tie on his shorts before they could slip inside and he threw his head back when Steve’s hands roamed over his ass for the first time.

Steve pressed kisses along Bucky’s chin and jaw, breathing against his skin. His shorts and briefs fell to the floor and Steve moaned, “Want you so much.”

“Please.” With that, Steve lifted Bucky up and carried him to the bed, crawling on top of him. “Clothes, please,” Bucky gasped, tugging at Steve’s shirt.

“You want these off?” Steve teased, biting the juncture between Bucky’s neck and shoulder. “Then take ‘em off.”

Bucky did, yanking Steve’s shirt so hard, the fabric nearly tore, but he didn’t care. Steve didn’t seem to mind either; in fact, he groaned at the feel of their bare chests pressed together. Bucky would have reveled in that sensation if he weren’t so desperate for _more_.

He shoved Steve’s blue shorts off of his hips, taking a moment to feel the thick cock they’d so poorly concealed. Steve shivered as Bucky stroked it, rubbing his thumb over the head while his metal hand fought to divest Steve of his clothing entirely.

Once the shorts were gone and there was nothing between them, Steve pulled Bucky’s hand away and held it against the bed. Bucky spread his legs, allowing Steve to press their bodies together for the first time.

“Oh, fuck, oh, my God,” Bucky groaned.

“Jesus,” Steve rasped, “I – how did I not know –”

“I don’t care, just fuck me,” Bucky interrupted in a rush and Steve pulled away, meeting Bucky’s gaze.

“That what you want?” He asked. “You want me inside you?”

Something about the way he’d phrased it made Bucky feel a tension in his abdomen, a clenching he’d never experienced. Steve was going to be _inside_ him. “Yes, I – fuck, please, yes.”

When Steve kissed him, it was a possessive and powerful press of the lips. He shoved his tongue inside Bucky’s mouth and all Bucky could do was hold on and moan. Steve was totally in command but in a way that didn’t make Bucky feel powerless. He knew he was strong enough to handle everything Steve could give him – they both knew.

“I – I was hoping, you know,” Steve breathed, pulling away. “I got… something when I went out.”

Instead of explaining further, Steve leaned across the bed and yanked open the drawer on the side table. When he came back, he was holding a bottle of lube and Bucky gulped. If it hadn’t been for Steve, this would’ve been over before it began and Bucky might have thrown himself into the ocean if they’d had to stop.

“Oh, thank God,” he groaned and Steve chuckled, pulling him in a for a hard kiss.

Steve pressed both of Bucky’s arms above his head and held both of his wrists in one hand. It was symbolic, if anything, as Bucky’s flesh arm was just as strong as Steve’s, not to mention his metal arm, but Bucky held still.

Steve’s free hand traced over Bucky’s chest, paying special attention to his nipples before stroking along his ribs toward his hips. When his fingers ghosted over the skin above his dick, Bucky gasped into Steve’s mouth, thrusting his hips upward.

“Please,” he whimpered and Steve nodded.

“Keep your hands there,” he rasped, slowly releasing his hold and watching to make sure Bucky didn’t move. “I’m gonna get you ready.”

Bucky watched as Steve reached for the bottle and popped the cap, drizzling some over his fingers. Part of Bucky was grateful that Steve hadn’t suggested anything else first – he already felt like he could blow any second.

But Steve didn’t take it slow, either. He found Bucky’s prostate almost immediately and he was helpless to the waves of pleasure that washed over him. One finger became two, then three, and before Bucky knew what was happening, Steve was stretching him wide and rubbing him with a careful efficiency. Bucky was shaking and releasing choked out moans; he gripped the headboard without considering that it might break.

Steve used his hold on Bucky’s thigh to lift his hips higher, pressing harder against his prostate, and Bucky felt his teeth clack together as another tremor wracked his body. “So good for me, so fucking responsive,” Steve was muttering but Bucky could hardly understand the words.

He came like that, tears falling from his eyes, and Steve gentled him through it. His fingers slipped free and Bucky had barely a moment to breathe before Steve was lining his dick up and pressing inside him.

“Oh, baby,” he groaned, sliding home. “Feel so good.”

“Steve,” Bucky gasped and Steve met his eyes and smiled.

He gathered Bucky up, holding him close as he began pulling out and thrusting back in. Bucky wrapped both arms around Steve’s neck, too far gone to even remember why he hadn’t already been doing so, but Steve only held Bucky closer. With his ankles locked around Steve’s waist, Bucky buried his fingers in Steve’s hair and cried out with every thrust.

He was hypersensitive but it was the most amazing feeling he’d ever experienced. Steve drew him into a deep, wet kiss as they panted into each other’s mouths but it was perfect.

“Bucky, I’m gonna come,” Steve moaned and Bucky used his hold on his hair to urge him on.

“Come on,” he rasped, “come inside me.”

Steve inhaled sharply and began fucking him in earnest, as if part of him had been holding back until that moment. “So good, love you so much, Bucky – _uhn_!”

Steve slammed inside Bucky, pressing as deep as he could, and circled his hips. Bucky felt it then – the hot sensation of Steve filling him up – and he couldn’t help but clench down. “I love you too,” he whispered.

They lay there for a few moments, panting and trading kisses. It wasn’t until Bucky moved his legs that he realized Steve was still hard… and so was he.

“Oh,” he groaned, rewrapping his legs around Steve’s waist. “Again.”

“Buck,” Steve gasped, hips twitching.

“You don’t have to… go easy,” Bucky interrupted. “I told you, I can take it.”

Steve’s eyes seemed to darken but he nodded. “I know you can.” Sitting up, Steve grabbed Bucky’s ankles and tossed them over his shoulders, leaning forward to hold Bucky in that position. “I’m gonna fuck you hard,” he breathed.

“Yes,” Bucky hissed, reaching up but Steve grabbed his wrists and pressed them to the bed.

“I’m gonna make you come so hard for me,” he growled, “and you’re not allowed to touch yourself. Understand?”

Bucky trembled. “Yes.”

Steve began thrusting then, hard and fast, and Bucky threw his head back, sobbing. Each thrust that hit his prostate sent a shockwave through his system; it was a sharp sensation tinged with overstimulation, but Bucky loved it.

After what felt like millennia and barely a few seconds at the same time, his pleasure began to crest. He gripped the pillow in both fists, crying out as he came across his abdomen again. “Oh, fuck,” Steve groaned, “fuck, you feel so good, baby.”

“Steve,” Bucky whined and Steve grinned.

“Almost there,” he assured. “How many times can you come?”

Shaking his head, Bucky answered, “Don’t know. Haven’t – oh, fuck – haven’t had much to – ah!”

Steve growled then, as if Bucky’s admission of celibacy had awakened something feral, something _ferocious_. He pulled out but before Bucky could even whimper, Steve was pressing three fingers inside him and had taken his cock into his mouth.

“Steve, oh – oh, my God!”

Steve rubbed his prostate expertly while he sucked him off in the most arousing display Bucky had ever seen. He fought to keep his eyes open, to watch, but Steve’s mouth and fingers were too good. Steve’s free hand was holding Bucky’s right thigh against his chest, holding his body open for Steve to torment.

It was hot and wet and the sound of Steve fucking his own come into Bucky’s ass was too much. “Steve, I’m close, please,” he begged but Steve released his dick completely. He whined at the loss as Steve’s fingers slipped from inside him. “Please, please, I’m so close, please.”

Nodding, Steve slicked his own dick up again and thrust inside him. His hand, still covered in lube, wrapped around Bucky’s throat but it didn’t squeeze – again, it was a question.

Bucky knew the answer. “Yes, yes!”

Steve’s grip tightened as he held Bucky’s hip with his other hand, fucking him harder than before. His eyes were intent on Bucky’s face – watching for pleasure or discomfort, Bucky didn’t know, but it hardly mattered.

He came like that, shooting off so hard it hit Steve’s chest, and Steve groaned. Releasing Bucky’s neck for a moment, allowing him to take a deep, shuddering breath, Steve slammed their hips together as he, too, came.

“ _Uh, uh, fuck_ ,” he groaned, hips twitching.

He took a moment before he pulled out, rolled Bucky onto his belly, and thrust back inside him. “Ah!” Bucky cried out.

The angle was too perfect. Each time Steve snapped his hips forward, Bucky felt his dick pulse against the sheets. Steve kept his thighs spread wide, holding him open and moaning almost constantly behind him.

“Fuck, so good, never felt so good,” he rambled. “So full of my come, wanna keep you like this, want you full of me all the time.”

Bucky nodded. “Please, please,” he gasped.

“You want it?” Steve rasped, finding Bucky’s hands and threading their fingers together against the bed.

“God, yes,” Bucky answered, gripping him back.

Steve bit down on the back of Bucky’s neck as he pounded him into the mattress. “Come for me,” he growled and Bucky choked out a moan as he obeyed, shooting come against the bed. “That’s right, just for me.”

“Yes, for you,” Bucky gasped and Steve groaned against his neck.

“God, that’s so – fuck, I’m gonna come, baby, gonna – _uhn!_ ”

Steve nearly collapsed on Bucky but seemed to catch himself in time, though Bucky wouldn’t have minded. Tugging his fingers free, Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s chest, holding him close as they recovered. Bucky realized that Steve was finally losing his erection, softening though still inside him.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered, pressing kisses all along Bucky’s shoulders. “I love you so much.”

Bucky smiled. “I love you too.”

After a quiet moment, Steve said, “We still have a few days left here. What should we do?”

With a shrug, Bucky answered, “Anything. We’ve got a lot of time.”

He felt Steve’s smile against his skin. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“Besides,” Bucky added, “we can always come back.”

“We should,” Steve replied. “Would you like to?”

Bucky nodded. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Me too.”

_Epilogue_

“Baby, wake up,” Bucky whispered, touching Steve’s cheek. “It’s morning.”

Steve opened his eyes slowly and smiled, pulling Bucky against him. “I forgot that this window opened right on the sunrise,” Steve grumbled, hiding his face in Bucky’s hair.

“You’re the one that picked it,” Bucky laughed. “Thought you had an eidetic memory.”

“Shut up,” Steve grumbled, though Bucky could hear the mirth in his voice. With a sigh, Steve went on, “Call me sentimental but… it seemed appropriate.”

“I’m not complaining.” Bucky turned his head, seeking Steve’s mouth for a kiss, regardless of his morning breath. “It’s the perfect honeymoon spot.”

Steve nodded. “Let’s get some breakfast, then spend the whole day on the beach.”

Bucky smirked, winking at him and sitting up. “Will you put sunscreen on my back?”

“Brat,” Steve chuckled, swatting Bucky’s ass as he climbed out of bed.

“You love me,” Bucky shot back as he made his way to the bathroom.

“Yeah,” Steve called, “I do.”

No matter how many times he said it, Bucky didn’t think he’d ever get tired of hearing. “I love you too.”

_fin_

__

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? :D <3
> 
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